Going back to the fairytale ..

In the fairytales , there is always a fairy :)
And sometimes there are fairies without fairytales :)

At times they come in the form of a smile,
At times in the form of a gossip shared ... lol
And at times in the form of a dream told :)

And sometimes, u just turn towards the girl walking beside u , and she turns into one ..

This post is for the one person who has touched my life in a very short span of time. A girl who has made my life so much more colorful by all her dreams and all her enthusiasm. In this competetive world, finding brilliant, driven, versatile people is not so tough. Tough is finding people who love and who laugh, who pause and who care :) . Who can retain the child in them inspite of all the harshness, competition and rush towards them.

And thats why, i cherish her. And thatswhy i consider her as my little fairy. For all the things she unknowingly gave me and taught me :). And thats A for u :) ..

P.S:- This post is not as good as it cld have been :((.

A ray, a hope , a dream , a sky , a smile and everything else :)

Some words that i loved ..
which doesn belong to me and yet it does :) ....


Through the sky
flies a ray

captures ur mind
makes it sway

u think for once
do i wanna fly?

do i wanna go high,
and then just dive?

do i wanna feel the rush?
do i wanna hear my blood gush?

u get hold of urself,
get back to reality

look towards the sky,
smile, look down and walk ur way.

..... And
those were the words of my friend

The bubble ..

This moment in space
.............goes by just like that ....
Yet there is a bubble
.............that stays alive ....
And often
.............u find ur life inside ...
And u watch it
............ to look into the life ..
And everything
........... seems to be distorted ...
And then the bubble bursts
............ it leaves a vaccum ..
A vaccum
............ where ur life was ...
And another moment in space
............. goes by just like that ....
And this time
............. the bubble is you ...

shaadi ka ladoo ...

I have again come on to the platform where marriage has turned into a scary rather than a joyous thing .. When u hear stories abt a 10 year of relationship turning sour after marriage, and stories which u thinnk cld happen only in Ekta kapoor's soaps, it makes the hair at the back of ur neck stand .. and screws up ur "marriage is beautiful" thinking genes :D ...

Have u seen shrek 3 ? U ought to see the Shrek's dream of children when his Mrs. Shrek informs him that she is pregnant .. :) .. I am very likely on the verge of seeing such dreams .. hmmm, and maybe dreams in which all the prospective guys wld be standing across my home's territory and trying to enter my house and the 'poor yet smart me' wld have the full burden of saving my house (which by the way wld denote my independence ..:D ) .. and the i'll turn into the Home Alone's baby ..

Have i ever told abt my dreams ?? lol , well that wld be a full blog in itself .. so that one is due on me ... Hmmm , abt the marriage thing .. A friend of mine has said that u shld not have expectations .. and after hearing all the stories, i was thinking ..." Oh my God .. i'll be happy even if i get a NORMAL human being ".. but then .. thinking of it now, how can i not have expectations ?? Life is so dull without imagination .. and dreams and expectations ..

But the problem is that all my dreams are only abt the bests and the goods .. I never think abt what i wld do if the worst comes .. like my friend asks me to .. hmmm , maybe i shld .. :) .. The mind game, as they say it .. But then its so difficult to predict what u wld actually do when faced by a tough situation .. after all i am also not as good as i think myself to be :) ..

Well , i wld hve to fight then as i usually do, isn it ?? :) ..

The nights ....

Okk .. So, i had a brilliant night :D. And before the escatsy of it vaporises, i wanna catch a small puff of it , and put it in here for diplay and safe keeping .. :)
So, i spent the night out - yes , the firstest ever time .. I spent the WHOLE night roaming on the roads of mumbai, seeing the lights, hearing the waves, and chatting with one of my closest friends and smiling and laughing at his silly jokes ... :) ..

So, here it is ... in memory of some of the most memorable nights i have had ...

1. Yes, this is what comes to my mind when i try to poke in for the long lying nights .. Staying awake for the whole night with my cousin M, chatting, telling him stories about me and my life -- and he would drowse in between , and i would still go on without realising that - and would get angry when i found that he had slept off .. scold him , and go on again ... lol . i wish i could talk like that now :) .. i really do .. i miss THAT me :) ..

2. Ummm , and dussehra night with one of my then closest friends, P , in class Xth. Oh, man was she lively .. khair , that night both our families had decided to go see the durga idols , and since the city remained too crowded in the evenings, we had decided to go at night.. And both of we two girls, spent the night seeing the diff kind of idols .. ;) .. That was my first experience of ogling at guys ... ha ha :D .

3. Ummm , and well , in the college , most of the nights had been amazing .. But there are few that i rememeber the most - like the night when we had tried getting drunk for the first time .. our whole grp - a coupla days before we were to leave college .. and we had got this bottle of vodka sneaked in from a friend , and a big bottle of sprite .. and chips , and cakes .. and every one of excited .. I was trying to be a heroine, and wanted to have a sip of "neat" vodka .. and i did .. and i threw up .. and i din touch that again .. and since then formed my strong desire to be stone drunk .. lol .. but more abt that later .. hmmm , and the night unfolded , unwinding many more things, many secrets coming out .. some complaints flowing .. lots of sentiments flowing .. and right now , i don even remember if we ever slept that night .. :)

4. Then there was this night, in the first year of college - in between the exams, when all of us were new to each other - and somehow we started talking , all our secrets pouring out - and by morning, all of us were much closer .. my first experience of the hostel nights .. and the close bonds that formed in the later years :)

5. And so many more nights .. when i first went for a date .. when i stayed up roaming at the beach till 1 in the night .. talking and walking .. lol .. okk , just to clarify , these were two diff nights.. on the first night we went to a restaurant .. and oh , it was raining hard .. and we went to this glass restaurant, and i had the mmost amazing veg starter there .. :) .. on the second night , i returned with dreamy eyes .. and told my roommate that i din ever want to get married .. and just stay single and have lots of dates ...lol ..

6. Hmmm , then there are those nights of which i would not speak abt here .... :) .. And the adventure of it, oh .. ha ha ha .. u can get as many ideas as u want .. ;)

7. Oh and how can i forget the night when i did get stone drunk ... and danced like a drunk .. lol .. and looked like a 'not-so-good-girl' ( ;) ), or so my friend said .. lol .. Oh, that night was some night ... lol ..

And then there was yesterday's night .. when i was just happy to feel the wind on my face, and the coolness of the air , and the lights of the city, and the warm assurance of being with a friend .. and the next morning i felt so blessed to have these coupla friends who pampered me to this extent :) ... Oh yes , and i guess i was a lil wiser the next morning :)

A Rant ..

The gardens are prettty and the sun is warm ...
The cookies are smoky and the music in the barn ...

My world is not so shiny and warm now
So making up for it in the imagery ..

Taking 9 rejections in a row is not easy, and i am trying to breathe thru it.. but its slowly taking a toll .. though i don want it to ... i know there is much more to go ahead .. i want to not care .. and as much as i hate to admit , i am giving in to peer pressure. I do not feel as confident as i did earlier , but i am trying .. And perhaps fairing much better than the other people around .. well , atleast i pride myself on that ...

I am giving my friend a hard time , but so is he doing .. anyways , perhaps when it is done , i will feel remorse , or perhaps not .. I hate to feel remorse anymore .. i just feel like saying damn to people who ask me to feel remorse or to be sorry ..

I am a bitch when i am in a bad mood. My husband will have a tough time :). It amuses me now. I hope it amuses me then too. :)

I am strange in the way that i want things only when i do not have them. Once i have them, i do not love them anymore. Is it the same with all the other people ?? I wonder.. Hmmm ...

A noon's tale ...

dreaming a nightmare !!
waking up with a start !!
with a fast beating heart !!
and fingers clutched in a weird position !!
realising the nightmare was gone !!
still dazy !!
still thinking of the nightmare !!
sitting in front of the system !!
opening the orkut account !!
seeing a friend's request from a familiar name !!
identifying the name with a start !!
opening her profile with apprehension !!
and finding that it was indeed her !!
being flooded with memoryies without any notice!!
and left overwhelmed !!

Getting in touch with an old friend after a span of ten years . What more do i say ..
i love the surprises thrown by life :)

Marginal Utility ??

Hmmmm. So there is this law of Marginal Utility in Economics. And in life ..

For those who do not know economics (u really shld read it.. its INTERESTING) , according to this law, the more u 'utilise' a thing , the more its 'utility' decreases. As in the more u eat pizza , the more less u feel like eating it .. and henceforth ..

So, i decided that the 'morale' of this theory wld be - have less of whatever u love ..
U love ur bf? .. see him as less as possible ... u love ur husband ?.. take as many office tours as possible .. love ur children ? send them to the neighbous's place .. love ur food ?? cook it as less as possible ..

get the picture ??
right ..
now go and implement it ..
and u're 'advance' welcome .. :D

The golden oaths :D

Mumbai .... I'm in Mumbai ...

Naah, Mumbai is not imp right now. Hell, it is not even Mumbai right now. What is imp is that i am here. In this B-school studying management. Something which has been my dream since the last two years. Preparing for which, made me realise a lot of things about myself. My dreams, desires, a sense of what actually is imp for me. I realise that those things might change, as it have in the past. I can only wait and watch. Whom, u ask ? Myself, i answer. lol

I din come here with a lot of hopes, just a lot of myself. And a decision to like things. To see the positives. (As i told one of my friends, and he asked how can u decide to like things and i smiled:) ) . So, it has been good. The journey till now. I have felt happy, sad , expectant, dissapointed , worried,HIGHLY worried frustrated, HIGHLY frustrated (Now , well thats an altogether different story :) .. and that worry and frustration is not over yet :) ) ..

Khair , so here u go. The journey has begun. Have been in it well over 11 days now. :) .. And yet this post is put as a reminder to myself , the reminder of my dreams , desires and decisions. So, that the immediate do not cloud the ultimate . Nice phrase i made , din i ?? :D

And here are the promises i make to myself while starting this journey :-

• I shall remain friends with me and myself.
• I shall be OPEN - all in eyes , heart , head and temperament
• I shall never let my fears win the battle
• I shall keep on growing
• And I shall not forget the laugh .. lol ...

I am eagerly awaiting the things in store for me, coz the decision has been made. It is the learnings which is left

Some random rantings ...

>> Did u know that the english word Echo comes from Greek Mythology ???

>> Did u know that one of the greatest Gods of greek Mythology, Zeus was a philanderer - And one of his courtesses was a nymph called Echo (;) , u still don wanna check out Echo's story ?? :D ) - And that he was married to his own elder sister Hera .. now this is something , isn't it :D

>> How do u make ur group agree with you when u know without any doubt that u are correct .. And still all of them combinedly refuse to liseten:D .. Yes , u guessed right. I faced this dilemma in the first two group activities .. hmmm ..

love-ought of the day ..

when u find urself trapped in a frustrated and angry and irritated mood for a long time, check ur relationship's emotional account balance .. u might have been debiting a lot of love for a while without crediting any ..

The home saga

I'm at home .. after years .. ok , just AN year .. still , it feels like years ..


When i come home after this long , i feel scared .. THIS long has been THIS long just twice .. and i have felt scared both of the times.. scared of wanting to get out of there and not connecting again .. scared of not feeling at home .. and scared of not being present there consciously .. scared of being a loser who wants to run away .. For most of the things , either the scares have sorted themselves out , or i have had to sort them out consciously .. Here are some of my mometous moments at home , stuff where i was not trying .. which just happened .. Plus stuff which were unreal , and yet so "present there"



>> When my dad told me about chandrakanta .. and compared it to harry potter .. that moment was enlightment for me .. and at that moment , i again wished that i be able to give my children this much of insight/knowledge as my dad has given me


>> While helping out my mom in small things in the morning .. while serving food for my dad .. these moments have been surreal .. reminding me of the past .. still makes me feel strangely connected .. yet strangely a slight feel of "this is not me" lingers somewhere ..


>> My birthday celebration .. lol .. i don't even remembers how many years it was after .. and seriously i felt like running waya with the knife and hiding somewhere ... :P
but nevertheless it turned out to be one of the besties of home .. :)

>> While helping my mom dress up, make her hair .. All the past occasions flashed in front of my eyes , and i suddenly remembered how long it has been

>> While sleeping , when my dad comes and puts a blanket over me .. NOTHING, repeat NOTHING compares to that .. even though at that particular moment , i was busy reading and replying to one of my friend's sms .. lol ..

>> When everyone went out , while i decided to stay at home .. lol .. and i felt the excietement i used to feel in 12th .. O.K. , now i am free to make as many calls as i want .. Except that this time there weren many ppl to call .. lol .. Still , the excitement counts, doesn't it ?? :)

>> Oh , and yes , fighting with my brother .. How can i forget that ... The fact that his presence still counts , and counts a lot even when we do not have a lot to say to each other itself says a lot .. A LOT .. And I am glad for that ... and for his sense of humor .. lol ..

And today is the final day ... when i feel completely at home .. when nothing feels surreal , different , not me ... it has all become a part of me .. the laughter .. the fights .. the lessons .. the conversations .. all of them .. Its just the time duration i tell u , just the time duration ..

P.S:- Strangely , and STRANGELY , i have not been missing my life in Chennai .. Though the one time i feel completely out of place are the afternoons .. when i wake up after my nap .. and i need 10 minutes to figure out where i am .. SERIOUSLY .. lol ..

I had a lot of ideas .. they all dried off :((

Emotinally Trained ..

Sleep Trained ..

Ever heard of the word ?? I heard it today .. In a momma's blog. Where she goes on to describe how children don't know how to put themselves to sleep. And in the first few months of childhood, he gets the clue when he/she is swayed in the arms , or stroked mildly and the likes. After a few months, u need to get him sleep trained - to let him realise when is the time to sleep and teach him to put himself to sleep.

So, this is how it is done. The child is put in the bed when its time to sleep. The lights switched off and he is left. The first day the child cries his heart out. After some time , the mommy comes and picks him up, put him down again, child cries again, momma picks again - this time after a longer time duration. It goes on this way. Finally the child gets tired and sleeps. The second day, child sleeps earlier. And this is repeated daily. Slowly the child begins to understand his sleep timings, and that no matter what, he has to sleep by himself. He has to hold himself and go to sleep. And voila ! the child is sleep trained. After some time u just need to put him in his cot and switch off the light ..

I wonder if this is the case in relationships. Do we teach each other to be emotionally trained similarly ... To the point that u just need to switch of the light and leave the room, and the other person knows that its time to stop crying and hold himself and his emotions !!

The calling ...

I found my calling -

The aim of my life is to entertain myself ...

And with this thought, I free myself of All the obligations, dos n dons and having to question my feelings n actions .. lol ..

ME ME EVERYWHERE ..

hmmm , this seems to be my blogging day.. and yes , i am NOT working et all :D .. ha ha ha ..

So, i am in a listing mood now :D ..And i will list all the things i love bout abt .. abt .. abt .. ME .. and no, i won be modest :P

So, here u go .. read it , and love me/hate me more :)

• THE crazy streak in me .. which makes me do crazy things .. lol .. sometimes stupid things too :P
• The way i can listen - without losing patience
• The "falling - everywhere" habit of mine .. though at times i have seriosuly embarassed myself bcoz of that .. haah
• The way i can change my looks .. from quite ugly, to quite pretty .. And vice-versa .. lol .. :D
• The way i feel lonely when i am lonely .. lol .. get THAT if u can :)
• The intuitions which i get about my loved ones .. and seriously , more often than not, i seem to be correct .. well , except few ppl .. some ppl , though i am very close to them, i can't read them .. as in i don get gut feelings abt them . i have to rely on their words then ..
• The way i can connect to almost everyone i want to ..
• The fact that i can still cry :)

And here are the things i hate .. no hate is a strong word .. the things i not so much like abt me ..

• ummm, the fact that I am a VERY VERY VERY closed person. Phew, i wish i was not soooo closed
• Hmmm , My sense of humor .. THAT i SERIOUSLY want to improve upon... but still, it wld have been good to have been a born comic .. hmm
• The way i get conscious of myself in a crowd
• The way i seem to compare myself with every girl i meet .. lol .. sometimes boys too .. :P
• The way how i behave sometimes depends on the other person
• The way i can NOT connect to some ppl i want to :)

Lol , this is turning out to be SO MUCH fun .. rest , later :) ..

P.S:- Why don they have the Comic Sans font .. which font listing is complete without COMIC SANS .. hmmpphh .. Anyways , i am gonna experiment with the fonts .. :)

love is like ..

i had logged off my blogger .. and i read this line somewhere, and i logged back in to just post it ..

love is like wine...u feel great initially but eventually end up with a hangover!

This is like so so so true . I mean , even if it is not a hangover , it just settles down ... That is what is the truth of love .. Not the mushy stuff of "Happily Ever After" and "Love forever stuff" .. love is just wine .. Something which just gives u a high .. a high more than alcohol ..

On the contrary, friendship is like a park - playground .. where u go and have fun , and come back .... and go back again whenever u want to .. and swing on swings .. and fall down .. and can see flowers and hear birds .. that is what is friendship .. it doesn give u a high but a happiness and sense of well- being .. friendship is just great .. :) ..

Love is great too .. Infact i believe that everyone should fall in love .. ATLEAST once .. sucessfful or unsuccessfull ... fulfilled or unfulfilled .. that is something everyone shld taste .. because never in life do we cry or laugh or feel happy the way we do when we are in love .. and thats why it is reverred so much .. But it will go away .. the high .. the trick is to build a friendship before the love goes away (sorry , the high .. actually, personally i am pretty confused over what really love is , so i prefer to say it as the "HIGH" :) )

musings .. bitter - sweet ..

Seems like so much has happened in the last couple of days. Have been through confusion, amazement, wonder, sadness, happyness , hopefullness .. everything .. don't even remember all the stuff .. Its like i am trying to figure myself out all over again .. Some random musings out of my mind ..

>> I find myself questioning "why do i blog" and "why i am hooked over blogging" over and over again .. Even though i have already written a post about it .. Is it that i don believe what i have written ?? It is that i find a respite from my loneliness here ?? But i don like to see my blog that way .. Blog is a place i luv , not a place i seek refugee.. oh , my heart , believe me .. u are not being a loser shying away from the world .. u are amazing and entertaining urself from the scores of ppl present out there on the net .. Ppl whom u might have never got a chance to meet in the real world.. every one of whom , in their own way, teaches something .. opens a window for a thought .. or just makes u laugh .. *sigh*.. Why the hell do i need to question everything ..

>> ppl die .. hmmm , sad .. how do they die .. what happens to their essence when they die .. all the thoughts in their mind .. the feelings they feel .. the ideas they have .. what happens to all of that?? .. is all of this just electric signals ?? produced by human mind .. like current which just stops flowing when u switch off the switch.. Am i too just current ?? flowing in this stupid body ?? the essence of me .. the ME which i so much fuss over .. hmmm , who knows .. its just hard to let go of the memories of those electric signals .. which never turn on again .. or do they .. like energy .. they might just change the form .. and enter a different body .. or diff bodies .. i guess i am in trance :) ..

>> Timeline is a good book .. i lost my copy somewhere .. one of the best science fictions that i have read ..

>> Some shit is happneing in India .. The nandigram rape thing .. i just don know what to say . why are things so shitty .. cummon, are we living in a democratic india or not .. economic issues aside, where is the sense of respect for the fellow being .. so much for Indianness and Indian culture .. And i feel shitty for i do no do anything but bitch about it .. and raise my hands and say .. what is happeneing .. someone do something .. what can i do .. when will things improve .. shit ... what the hell do i do .. except blog abt it .. and get angry and let my friends know .. hey look , i am an all aware girl .. and i am so morally right that i feel bad about i .. its shit ..

Most of the people, me included, can't be sure of performing any better than the ones up there are doing .. hell , we can' even solve the personal animosity withe our relatives and friends .. what the hell are we going to do when the animosities turn BIG .. Are we going to respond in a better way .. and that just brings me back o my original belief that humans are basically animal .. the animal instincts are all in there .. restrained by so called social norms and rules .. and comes out on the first occasion it can ..

And to think about it, no matter how inhuman Dr. Letcher is (of the "Silence of the lambs" fame, but u need to read "hannibal the cannibal" and "The Red Dragon" to know him more..) , he is actually correct .. and if the so called social norms and social fears are erased out of human mind, ppl are gonna turn ino hannibals .. living for their pleasure .. and their pleasure alone .. this is the law of nature .. waise , in some ways , i actually like Dr.Letcher

>> Indian Cricket .. a perect example of how we destroy something we love .. :)

>> I am going a lil bit into "waiting for the call" mode again .. lol .. its not too much right now though .. and errr, i'm kinna surprised by myself :) ... haah , but its fun ..

>> and well, i promised to tell about my new found bloggers .. not feeling much upto it .. but here u go ..

1) An american family - a soooo american family .. and a peek into their lives .. havn been much INTO it .. but its sweet ..

2)An american girl cabbie .. - Nice experiences .. good to know of a life which is sooooo different than ours .. havn read much of it though .. but am planning to ..

4) and here is someone i found today - looked decent on the first go .. will have to explore more to form any opinion but :)

and abt the book - Mystic river is ok .. a decent thriller mystery .. liked some parts of it quite .. also the bend and gray shades in the character .. planning to watch the movie too .. if its in IMDB top 100, it has to have something in it :)

But i am going to devote my one WHOLE post to shantaraam :)

When memories fail ..

Memories .. Memory ... How co-related they are, and yet mean so different. :) .. when memories fail , its physical .. but when memories fail, its ummm .. more of "spiritual" .. or ... "life-ual"..

I have had a bout of this "memories failure" recently.

For the three years spent in this city, my best friend and i have virtually lived together. Spending all the weekends together, talking hours on phone, tracking each and every detail of the each other's life. Fighting like cats n dogs. Someime like grown ups (lol !! ) and now we are going to go our seperate ways . as in we won be living in the same city together. And its going to be different. So, today he was just telling me about his other best friend whom he has been wanting to see very much. And i just suddenly though - Will he miss me like that when we are not together? And for a moment i tried to think of our past, of the memories, and ... i failed .. And i skipped a beat ..

Well, i refound the memories later (lol) .. but it got me thinking .. how we get so busy in doing things , fixing things , mending things , organising things that we forget to look at things and enjoy things .. :) ..

maybe somehow it is good .. Maybe it means that u live in the moment .. and then let go. .. but doesn it also means that the moments were too easy for u to let go .. that they were not imp enuff to hold on .. and i suddenly realised, how i remember much more "small events" of childhood than of the last few years .. Hmmm .. maybe when u get too busy trying to put the big blocks of ur life in correct places, u tend to forget the fun of swinging in the swings .. :) .. or maybe it just depends on how u are solving the puzzle :)..

khair , i guess i have had enuff dose of this kinna "life" stuff .. Now for something fun .. I just realised that the short form of both "best friend" and "boy-friend" is bf .. lol .. so i can't shorten my best friend to call him bf .. coz it wld give a diff meaning u see :) .. and .. ummm , and , well nothing interesting filhaal .. so, thats that ...

p.s: - i had some other things in my mind too .. but then i am too tired of thinking of them to type it here :) .. waise, i found few other fun bloggers .. so, its is fun rite now :)

similarities between Rani Mukerjee and Me ...

haha .. i got a real HIGH as i was starting to write this blog. I told my friend of the subject and he was like"Rani Mukerjeee nooooooo ... . U can compare urself to a much better person". lol... Imagine .. someone ranking me better than Rani Muherjee .. ok, RANI MUKERJEE .. he he .. yeah, yeah, yeah , i know this owes more to his dislike towards Rani than his liking towards me. But what the hell. Chane ke jhaad pe chadhne mein kya jaata hai ..:P

Khair, continuing with the post. The similarities are not the physical smilraities (though we are similar that way too. We are both short, dark and fat .. he he .. Ok, now she is not fat, but she was .. ) .. those are the personal ones.. I saw that episode of Koffee with Karan with rani, kajol and Shahrukh, and I noticed that she was a lot similar to me. So, here u go ..

>> She talks less, is never sure of what to say and what to do .. :P .. is easy to confuse.. soooooo, just like me ( me giving a bow .. he he)

>> She lacks sense of humor ..As in she can't be very witty, like Kajol is ... :((( .. ba ho ho ho .. yeah, just like me .. i wish i was writing a post about my similarities wih Kajol, but .........:((( ...

>>Her mind doesn work very fast. She will never win into a rapid fire question round (and hence the koffee hamper :) ). I also share the same fate :(( .. I can come with amazing (ok not amazing, but atleast decent) answers AFTER the rapid fire, but during , the rapid fire just fires me. Thats why i can never be good on stage ... hmmmppphhh.. khair, ask rani, she wld also give u the same answer. That she doesn like rapidly fired questions .. :P

>> She is conscious of herself. Make it very conscious. I know its unbelievable, considering that she is a movie star. But i still know that she is. I know u don believe me. So, u can go away .. :P And yes, so am i . VERY. :)

>> She gets more conscious with ppl she is not comfortable with. And it gets just soooo evident .. (Yes, i am referring to Kajol). And it makes her silent. I saw her other interviews to get my theory confirmed and she is not like what she is in front of Kajol. She is not very talkative yes, but NOT as silent.In her previous koffee with kareena kapoor, she was all bubbly. And the difference just shows. The answers she gives, the way she responds. It just shows.

>> hmmm , now for a good similarity. She can come up with very stupid logics and get away with it. he he he . As she did in KBC. Chosing salman bcoz salman was lucky for Preity and look, she got away with it too. :D .. Sadly, my bad logics don work very good. But i give bad logics, yes very bad logics. i do.

>> What ?? the similarities has ended .. so fast ... oh no .. and I thought we are SOOOOO similar ..

koi nahin, i'm going to watch more of her interviews and find out more similarities between ourselves.. hmmmppphhh ...

About interesting fingers and bloggers ..

ok, so i am feeling guilty for blogging now. This is my work time and i have got a deadline on Monday and there is a hell lot to do and i should be working .. AND i have resigned .. I shldn be feeing this "I have to do it stuff"But *sigh* .. i am .. khair, i'm going to make it up by missing my lunch time .. (I already know its a lie bcoz my stomach is making gurgles sound by hunger..he he he ) ..

Khair, this blog about bloggers .. lol, i have been continuously meeting the funny bloggers .. and its so cool .. i think of bloggers as "rajkumars of swayamvars" .. U look at them, up and down, and pass f u don like them. Oh, just that its like a swayamvar where u can marry as many men as u like .. :D .. Maybe they should have a done a swayamva for dating too. That would be more apt .. No ?? u choe the potential candidates and keep shuffling ur time between them. Plus u wld be allowed to keep on adding ur list by meeting the friends of ur friends and stuff .. Oh what the hell, "dating" is a "swayamvar of dating".. if u know what i mean (ok, i know u don :P ).. :D .. Except that it comes attached with a lot of morality rules, so u can't be that free abut chosing prospectve ppl .. And ad don go on all the dating talk, i am just "one date experienced" person. lol .. ok, make it two.. (except that the second one was a kina friend only) .. BUT THAT is a significant no in my circle of friends .. And i HAVE TO HAVE TO act "i know lot abt dating stuff" .. as if .. lol ..

Oh yes, and i did meet an interesting guy today. Ok , make it SEE, i din talk to him, just sw him.. u know what, actually i saw just his fingers. We were sitting in the bus, and h ewas next to me, but he never turned my way.. So, i cldn see his face .. Bu i saw his fingers and i tell u .. Those fingers were interesting.. He could bend his fingers in a very interesing way .. Its like u have two bends on his fingers and he cld bend both of them in diff directions.. Generally u can bend them in just one direcion .. either both of thm inwards, or both of them outwards .. bnut u can't bend one inward and other outward .. ok, some of u can , but most of us can't .. and i found this really interesting .. ok, maybe so u don get what i am saying ... But i am telling u, it was interesting.. oh and he had pretty finers too .. nice and bony and long .. I like long fingers .. long and bony .. i like long and bony ppl too .. but if its girls, its shldn be like all bony .. bony and well rounded girls look good (No, i am not INTO girls, but i like looking at ppl generally ...And most of u do .. u just don accept .. huh ).. but guys can be VERY bony and still look good .. Like maybe Kunal Kapoor ..
:D ..

ok, i have to go to lunch now .. :D .. By the way, there IS a connection ebtween fingers and bloggers .. BLOGGERS blog by FINGERS .. lol .. ha ha ha ..Yeah yeah yeh , i know what u want to say :P ..

Some random stuff about my Mumbai Trip ..

I have a feel that i cldn see the real Mumbai, something which i knew was hard to do, but wanted to do all the same .. Maybe its true .. U get to see the real Mumbai only when u live in it .. Something which i'll get a chance to do now. Yes, i am going to go there and live there for the next two years .. And yes, i got thru Narsee Monjee .. I am finally going to do MBA .. Am not very happy abt not going to IIM, but maybe it is time to let go .. and move on :) .. to other things :)
Khair, some snippets abt my Mumbai Trip ..


> Galleria is absolutely wonderful .. Or i think Heera Nandaani as a whole is.. The best thing is the color and architecture of the buildings .. Kina reminds u of the old eras .. Here's one sample .. i was absolutely fixated by the architecture ... and yes , it did result in me being mocked by my friends .. lol .. well, i can't help it .. sometimes, i just get fixated at amazingly common things ..

> Journying on long trips,standing in CROWDED local trains never affects u when u have friends or friends of friends chatting away :) .. The same journey becomes a pain in the ass , when u have to sit/stand seperately ..and u can do nothing but stare at ur friends group standing far away and try to lip read their conversation .. lol

> Sometimes u get to watch good movies in locals too .. lol .. u know what i mean, don u .. :P


> A dark nite in the jungles.. No lights on the 'pagdandi'.. No chaand ka roshni either .. No torches with u .. Uneven roads .. Eerie silence .. Two n a half kilometeres to walk on foot uphill .. I feel dead already :P .. i am saved but .. Saving grace .. Three Lambe, one chauda guy .. lol ..


> U watch ppl working so hard for living in a hill station and feel sorry for them. A day later, u admire their hard work and siple yet happy existence .. :) .. I did .. and its amazing how music creates a bliss everywhere .. Wherever i went, i cld listen to hindi songs on radio, new and old and it was just blissful .. i can't describe the experience .. I felt music made their hard life a lot more musical :)


> Nothing beats a good old neembo paani .. or a glass of chaach in quenching thirst :)


> No matter how much u slap ur back for performing in the gym, when faced in the real world , u always fall short of the required stamina ..lol ..


> I repeat, i could not see the REAL MUMBAI :((



> Marine drive is a great place to sit and chat with ur friends .. And chaupati in Mumbai is better than the beaches in Chennai .. All the lights around make it so much more lively .. And happy :) .. Plus u can pretend to be taking pics of the lights while actually taking any couple's pic - to check out the guy and the girl .. lol .. :P yes , we did this :)


> The best thing in Mumbai - the tel malish waalas .. if i stay there , i guess i wld go to the beaches just to have a good pair maalish .. Its so relaxing .. and did i say cheap :P ..Our maalish waala was fun too :) ..


> Fashion Street is not as good as they say it is .. First the stuff there is not that great .. Secod , after seeing not so geat stuff , u get tempted to buy even just decent stuff , because they are so cheap .. Third, before u know, u wld have spent more than what u intended to :P .. Fourth, u always get dissapointed after returning from there.. sometimes because the clothes are not a correct fit , sometimes because they contain blemishes u din see then .. and sometimes just because u don like them in ur room :P ..
a tip :- never let the shopkeeper know if really want something .. u'll invariably buy it at a much higeher price :) .


> And aah, after travelling in flight the train journeys seem to be 'oh so long' :P .. i am a flight
person now :)

This post will be updated as and when i keep remembering stuff :) ...

360 degress of mood swings ...

I think i have been covering the whole 360 degress of my mood swings today..

9:00 - Pensive , thotful .. Shantaram can give u lots to think about
10:00 - Ecsatic ... Got into a new project which i really liked .. and i am telling u , its a BIG deal .. i am erally bored of coding now
11:00 - Ecstatic still
12:00 - Tired .. and not so scstatic .. feeling of aloofness gets on a bit
1:00 - normal yet still aloof
2:00 - Bored and tired
3:00 - bored again .. tired again .. laziness has crept in too

waiting for the rest of the moods to come and go .. :D

Though i have noticed , that whenever i feel ecstatic , it is followed by a bout of sadness in the same day .. balance eh ??

ok updates now ..

4:30 - Dissapointed :D
6:00 - Sorely depressed
7:00 - confused
8:00 - normal, in need of some self-pampering .. oh and what was the self - pamper ? A GIRLY magazine .. gurlz .. and i spent an exorbant 50 bucks on it .. that was really EXORBANT .. oh , and yeah , a dinner in murugan :D
9:00 - self-pampered and normal .. lol
10:00 - happy .. uploading pics and writing captions is always such a bliss :D
11:00 - tired and sleepy ..

Next day morning - flirted with a cute guy in gym, and still high on its good charm .. lol ..

Oh and yeah, Shantaram is a must read ... for anyone .. I mean , if u really start thinking about what is written there , u would feel like closing the book after every page and ponder over it for some time .. It is such a HIGH ...

this "talk"y post ..

Ok .. this is the one concept that i figured out - and it is sorta ... welll , ummm ... ok .. whoever is reading , u decide :D ..

So , basically it happens that lately i have been worried about my "lack of speaking abilities" .. :D
As in why i was not able to talk to most of my friends , save a few, and ppl in general and all that blah blah .... And i realised that it works like ... ummm , like a viscious cirlce ..

Its that - The more u talk , the more u talk .. :D .. As in, to talk u need to talk .. u talk to one person, then u have the stuff for two .. and this two's stuff u can spill on the third person , and u get richer to four .. ummm , well , taking into account that the other person also has ""two's stuff" .. umm, atleast u'll be richer by one.. So, u see , u get more stuff to talk when u talk .. and still more .. and its like ... it goes on .. maybe like an exponential graph ... U just need to break into the circle .. maybe like abhimanyu ... u know , break the chakravyu .. uhhh , and maybe it works the other way round too .. as in when u get into it , u can't get out .. haah ...

uhhh , and i was caught again .. jeez .. why do i keep my blog so hidden :D ..

khair , i had a good holi .. and the sight of my hand is kinna blinding me .. the pink color in it is still so strong ... and bright .. i love it all the same :D ..

deeply touched..

And i don't know why it touched me so deep .. a blog from a girl whom i have discovered just recently ...


It's all about the past these days.

I think about you.

I think about you as-you-were, not as-you-are, which seem to be two different people.

I think about being met at the airport.I think about a train to Goa, twelve hours late, and I was so sure you wouldn't be there. And my eyes already started to tear, as I looked around in panic for a PCO so I could call you and as I turned, I collided with your chest and you smelt familiar and you wrapped your arms around me and we just stood. And we rocked back and forth for a bit, while co-paasengers watched us, amused. And in the taxi, on the way back, at 3 am, you gave me a pad of stationary, with letters to me written on it.


I think about before we were dating, when we teetered close to dating. When we sat at Flavours, on the lawn, your knees behind my back, my fingers looking like they were running through the grass, but really caressing your ankles, thinking innocently, that no one noticed.


I think about checking my phone during my 2.40 to 3.30 class, and seeing daily smses, saying, "Hanging out at bus stop." And I'd run as soon as we were released, spray quick deodarant on my body, and you'd be at the college gate, waiting with crossword and lit cigarette and you'd take my backpack and my car keys and drive us to your house to eat cheese toast.

I think about how you used to run my back when I coughed, looking at me anxiously, murmuring, "Bas, bas" till I stopped, soothed.I think about how we read together, in your room, with the A/C high. Or at my house, how our legs always tangled on the couch, and how after we fought for the remote, you always let me have it eventually.


I think about going to Dharamsala, and meeting a couple of your friends there and sleeping on the way back to Delhi, with my head on your lap, and how you carefully spread a shawl over my head and carefully rolled a joint, even though the bus was shaky you never spilt.

I think about that first office party you came to, and how you dropped a drunk colleague home, and how you spoke with everyone and made them love you and my heart swelled because I was with you.

I think about you, propped up on one elbow, watching me sleep and when I woke up and asked, "What?" you said you loved me.

And now, how dare I settle for anything less than what you gave me?

Of "Soul Mates" and "Soul Jobs"

Do we give too much importance to the "job" we do ?? career as they say .. Yeah , rite, i know ... It is important .. But how much ?? and what aspect of job exactly is important ?? is it just the "job" u do or also its peripharals ?? What happens when u like the job but don like the peripherals attached with it? The thing which i have often heard in movie industry .. Similarly what happens when u don like the job but peripherals seem to be fine ?? Ummm , maybe say the software industry. Like the perks n all ... the foreign trips, the dollars , the money, the "discounts" at shopping malls...

I have been on the crossroads of my career since the last three years. Three years since i left college. Got into the software industry - though i wanted to go into electronics field. Started preparing for CAT because becoming manager was the "In" thing .. Meanwhile realised that core - tech job is not my forte , since i get depressed with the lack of human touch in the software industry... Got interest in the business while preparing for CAT .. Going to meet out the world and its challeneges seemed fascinating..

But how do i know i'll keep this interest .. I have been in love with technology before I came into the industry and lost interest.. I tend to like business , but there are pretty good chances of me losing interest .. I mean business world is supposed to have lots of gore and dirt in it , isn't it .. And i think i am too weak a girl to handle it .. So , somewhere i might just break down and get depressed and lose interest in the field ..

I mean how does a person know what kind of job he wants ? What is THE job for him ? Something that fires the passion in him. Is it like ur soul mate.. That u keep on meeting, falling in love and getting over till u meet "THE" one .. ur sould mate .. Is it the same way like your "soul job" .. And the most important question .. Does every person has a "soul job" ?? Can't we just live with "a job" .. Something which enables u to live and keeps u occupied .. After all what gives more pleasure than a challenging day of hard work .. Something which brings me back to the original question. Do we give a lot of importance to the job ?? Do we forget to see the "peripherals" in the search to find "The job" , the one which can arouse the passion in u ..
I for one have done that ... I have been searching for "the passion" and i don find it. And while gyrating around this, i have forgoteen to see the peripherals , the world revolving around me..Isn't it the same way with soul mates ?? U keep getting unsatisfied and then letting go of people in search of that "Perfect One".. or the "Perfect Friend".. And do u even manage to keep "it" alive once u find it , or think u find it ...

Isn't it all about living, abut seeing and observing and talking and laughing much more than it is about "the passion" ..

and aah .. the passion burns still .. the search continues still .. Even though we know so much better .. :) .. well , thats the way it is , ain't it ?? :)

on a wednesday morning ..

Yeay yeay yeay .. My worldspace radio is finally set up and i am sooooooooooooo happy .. The best thing is that i can listen to the hindi old black n white songs .. it has been sooo long .. first because u don find them easily on the song downloading sites and second because i am a lazy ass :D .. Oh by the way , jazz is good too .. i was listening to it yesterday, and i found it nice , catchy and zingy .. though its "lyricsless" , so i might not get soooo hung on it , the lyrics crazy that i am :D .. Waise jazz made me go to sleep yesterday .. lol .. but i am sure that was because of my tiredness rather than jazz's soporificness .. waise , the sad part is that there are only two hindi channels .. i mean , there is one ghazal and hindustani clasical channel too, but whenever i tuned onto them , they were playing the veeeeeeeerrrrrrryyyy classically types songs .. i hope that they either put the jagjit singh typo gazals or that i get into the classically typo songs ... hmmmm ... well , i am happy anyway .. yeay .. yeay ..

oh by the way, whats up with DOVE .. i mean DOVE is supposed to be creamy smooth ALWAYS .. even if they use minute extrafoliating particles in it .. I mean cummon .. the latest one feels like a hard brick .. as if u are using a pumic stone .. come on guys , thats ur USP. don spoil that ... haah ..

And oh my Gawd , the guy sitting in front of me has all the "my" songs in his playlist .. i mean , all of my songs , even the tarzen one .. gosh .. it makes me feel that he is actually using my ipod.. hmmmppp ... tarzen is handsome, tarzen is strong .. la la la la la lala la la .. i am jane and i love to ride an elephant .. oh my gawd , this song is soooo awesome .. even the "do u have a bestfrind" one...

khair , i have decided one thing now - to consciously be in touch of myself .. and to consciously monitor my behavior .. i have become really close and unliving person now , and i don like it .. a few days back , i realised that i cldn talk to my best friend, i mean , come on thats not me .. i am supposed to be a chatter box, not this closed , unliving , unthinking fellow .. ummm , i don know .. i am in pretty confused state rite now .. i know , i am not a very open person , and its kinna tough for me to talk abt the very "inside me" kinna stuff , but i'm not this person either .. oh , and yeah . technology sometimes is not good .. chatting becomes so easy that talking becomes tough .. :) ... haah ...

chalo, a fruitful random post posted early in the morning today .. :) .. the girl sitting next to me studies a lot yaar .. i mean how can a person study and code always ... though she seems to be sweet .. i need to "consciously" talk to her :D .... oh sooooooooo conscious me .. :P .. and i want to see the NIKE worldcup ad sooooooooooooooooooooo much .. i hope its as good as they say it is .. i miss watching ads on tv . one thing the worldspace can't provide u .. :((((((((

Update:- Ok , the new DOVE is not that bad.. It was the first time which felt so hard :P .. And thanks CD for the link .. i saw it and i loved it :D ..

Words ... sometimes they breathe life into ur thoughts..

A lot of times many of ur thoughts remain at ur subconscious level .. Sometimes they remain in ur conscious level , but in a very subdued way. But they are there none the less , and they are there as strongly as they can. U breathe these thoughts - just the way u breathe air - without thinking. They are the reason why u sometimes behave and feel the way u can't understand. They are the reason why somethings seem so wrong even when ur conscious level think them to be right.

And someday u come across the words - someone somewhere puts those exact thoughts in words - and it hits u like a bolt. And u think, its not her , but u that has written the words.Today is such a day for me. Thanks shayesha. For writing what u did. Kinda make me beleive more in my thoughts :). And yeah, i am of your 'silent reader' category.

Of routines and schedules ....

Some things scare me - like routines and schedules.

Yes , they scae me shit. I overdo things in order to not fall in their grasps. lol. Ok, i'm crazy inside. And a NON-PERFECTIONIST.

There was a time - till very late when my non-perfection used to bother me and i used to try very hard to acheive the closest level of perfection that i could. Perfection in everything - maintaining my closet, taking the notes, spending my day- lol , even conversatiion. Like THIS is the rite kinda talk and THAT is a rite kinna walk. Lol. But now - i get scared shit if i feel that i am coming even anywhere close to being a perfectionist. I llike my house a little dirty and bikhra hua , my closet a bit untidy, my days a bit abnormal , my talks a bit randon, my q-papers & books a bit .. oops sorry , quite a bit scribbled :D .. hmmm , this feels good . A bit of scatteredness and randomness. Doesn it ? I think thats the beauty of life - its unpredictability. earlier i used to make my future plans. Now i don. I like it unplanned :) .. The only catch is what will i answer if my interviewer asks me - Where do u see urself 10 years down the line. Uhhhh, maybe in heaven .... SHIT HEAD.... arggggghhhhhh............... Why is this question even imp ?

i think - this is where my scare of routines and schedules emerge from - from set things. Makes me feel bandha hua. Hmmm - now u better keep that timetable away from me ... and gimme few scraps of paper instead. I wanna make a collage :) .. Yeah , i loooooooooove collages :) ...

And the most suitable lines to sum up this post are -

Katra katra milti hai
katra katra jeene do
zindagi hai .. behne do ...
pyaasi hoon main pyaasi rehne do ...
la la la la lala la la lala laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..............

:D :D

Thy say what ...

Thy shall make u pure they say,
Thy shall make u strong they say,
Thy shall cleanse your heart they say,
Thy shall heal the pain they say,
All I say is “Beautiful“ and fall in love all over again ..
While a drop just slides by and wane ..

Eternal Promise ........

My brother has promised me a KitKat if i write something on him ...
Yeh ek "bhaai" ka waada hai, tootega nahin .... lol ...As any other siblings, we have also fought our way through chidhood ... So here u go.. this post is dediacated to u .. i am listing some of the most memorable fights we have had ..

Lol , well this one is really funny , now that i think of it .. We wanted to watch a movie .. but as boyish an girlish choices are never same at that age ,how cld we settle on the same movie .. after a LOT of arguing we finally settled on "my movie" .. but dear he , he was so cunning .. so, he went out to get the movie , and instead got "his movie", and what do i do .. I locked him in the bathroom :D .. and i refused to let anyone get him out.. And the only thing everyone wanted to know after that, was that how i managed to get him inside .. lol

oh yes, then we always had "MY" share of bed ... and fought tooth n nail if the other one managed to cross it by as much as a finger. But irritating as he was - he wld jaanboojh kar keep his hand just near the "border", and when i wld start complaining, he wld say - nahi touch kiya hai - dekho, dekho ..line wahaan hai, mera haanth yahaan hai .. lol ... pig ...

ummm , and .... oh yeah ... while studying, he wld keep his hand very near to my face - but no, "not touching ".. tum kuch nahi bol sakti.. maine tumhe maara nahi hai .. and like that, he wld irritate me so much ki main uska haanth pakad ke mod deti thi.. lol , well , he had his own ways of starting the fight.. But then he had his own ways of making me laugh also. All, he had to say was "Soni, u are laughing".. and no matter how angry i was , or how hard i would try not to laugh, i always ended up doing that .. Damn, how angry i would be then to give into his stupid "u are laughing" .. :D ...

lol , oh yes , he owes a lot to me , for i have made him survive his adoloscent years .. calling up all his gf's and when the daddy picked "uncle i am "so n so"'s fren .. can u please call her .. and pass over the phone to him :)

And its his b'day today. I started this post sometime last year, and finished it today. :D .. Idiot u should be grateful that i did ... Otherwise u are too boring to be written about ... :) ..

Chal Happy Birthday ... have lots of fun ... Now time for my KitKat .. :D

P.S - U owe me a hell lot of KitKats for the "teesri aankhs" that u gave me .... grrrrrrrrr

And now that i have finished writing , i think that i have left out the most interesting ones .. damn memory.. i don remember the good ones , when u want to .. Remember the time i chased u on the road with a brick in my hand .. lol .. Oh yeah, and once when i crossed everything that u had written in uir lab record, and after realising what i had done - painfully wrote it again . U failed to notice any of it and and submitted ur lab record, and then were scolded by ur mam that u had got them written by someone else .. lol .. i am sure i am still missing lots ..

fanatical date..

ok, i am idealistic .. And so are many other of my friends .. but they don behave fanatically on their dates .. lol .. That too a date with a 7 year old crush .. :D
Yes i met him .. finally.. And guess what, we din have anything to talk about. I mean , first it was all uncomfortable and all, as expected. Yes, i think i was a little nervous. Maybe because i felt somewhere i was being evaluated, and naah...i don like being evaluated. Maybe this is what keeps me from talking in my GD sessions .. lol .. Anyways , coming back to the story.. So, after some hmms, haans, oohs , we started talking. Oops no, I started talking . He was anyways talking .. And then, when i start i don stop .. Gawd ... Something is wrong with my mouth's acceleration rate .. ;)

So, somewhere our discussion reached Shahrukh Khan.. Yes, like most of the sensible guys, he too despised Shahrukh and like most of the girls (sensible -insensible , doesn matter :D) , i looooved Shahrukh Khan. The idealistic is tossing and turning in the bed rite now. Then Salman Khan - and his notorious killings - hmmmm , the ideaistic is wide awake now - and listening , thinking ... Mahatma Gandhi - ... okkkk ... Idealistic is speaking now .. fast .. And i am under her grip rite now .. Narendra Modi and The godhra killngs --rite .. Its my mouth but the idealistic's words... ... A statement - 'Narendra Modi did what was best for the masses.Those 100 who were killed ought to have been killed. That was for the best.' And BAM .. I don know myself anymore - I have become her ...

NOOOOO.. How can u say that ... Lol, imagine me , all red in fury, standing still, with hands on my hips (Oh yeah , we were on the beach by the way- a decently crowded Marina Beach :D) ..
And then the heated heated argument started .. The idealist is in full form now .. booming ... fuming .. mad ... Lots of Hindu - Muslims ... fundamentalism ... things coming in between ... i try to calm down... But his statements keep on adding the fire intermittently - "Muslims are the cause of most of our problems in this country" , "Muslims should become tolerant and open like us - Hindus".. And god knows , i hated him then .. and was angry enuff to slap him ... lol .. And yup , i said him so ...

Well, if it were not for the fact that it was him stating out these thoughts , the incident was almost funny. After all, can a date be any more surprising or unexpected that this ... And well, its not everyday that u get to behave fanatically at a public place , and still feel justified for it .. lol .. Yes, ppl did notice us shouting at each other ... lol ..

anothr unfinshed one ..

This one too i have been putting off since ... ummm , well , quite a time..

But talking to Nishant yesterdy, somehow cleared my head, not the doubts .. but doubts regarding the existence of doubts , lol ..

The person i am in office amazes me. This is not what i am. And i try to think why have i become this person - this boring, depressed, maniac. And i try to think why don i like my office and my work. But the answers i get sound truly superficial - or is it really ? I found the concept of sitting in my cubicle for 10 long hrs - immersed in ur system depressing. I feel i have been cut off from the world - inspite of the fact that i have the world at my finger tips as internet . lol . Aren so many things so contradcitory in life . aah .. :)

And why is Jagjit Singh's voce so heart touching ... It touches ur soul even if u don want it to .... haah .. again this post is left unfinished .. not fulfilling the purpose it was supposed to at the start .. lol .. well , maybe sometime later ..

some not so crappy thoughts .. or maybe not :)

I have been thinking that i need to think .. lol .. yup i do it quite frequently .. Something has been at the back of my mind and i have pushing it .. so i want to think now?? .. lol ... nopes .. lemme just talk about some of the things i thought today ..

hmmm, well, nature has been a lot on my mind these days .. How it is being destroyed , and how we all are taking it for granted .. u know , how inspite of all the developments in the world, the future looks so grim ... hmmm , i had promised myself to post only non-serious posts on this blog .. but nyways ... I alwys breaks the promises i make to myself ... lol ... Yup, so continuing bout it .. Read an article abt it today .. some country in Africa .. where an underground oil pipeline was built which polluted the only source of water in some states , and how it was leading to a lot of health problems and poverty among the masses ... Hmmm , and the irony was that the pipeline was built to bring money and prosperity in the region .. well, the whole thing was pretty sad .. but then to think of it , where is this thing not happenning .. hmmm , well, won go too deep ... Things will look scarier then .. ummm , somehow the whole environment thing has deeply affecte d me .. As in for the first time in my life , i am scared of having children .. not scared that way .. i mean, i am scared of bringing my children in this world , which is slowly turning into a poison .. Maybe i am overreacting or something , but rite now this is the phase i am in ..

ummm, there was something else too which i wanted to say, but i am forgetting .. hmmm.. what was it .. oh yeah ... well , i had written a lot and somehow it got lost .. :(( .. will have to write all over again .. Anyways , just in short it was about the Indian Navy Cheif who made "Karachi burn for 7 days" during the 1960's indo - pak war .. So, well , i jsut got into the war stuff .. u know the kind "Is making a city burn" a thing of pride ?? I mean , i can understand his pride .. maybe his attack was crucial in making India win the war .. But what i can't understand is the way it is being glorified today. Maybe i am a wrong person to judge , beause i was not the one who laid my life for my nation .. maybe i don even have the courage to .. But i have a friend in Karachi .. a person whom i have never met .. through her i have met other ppl in Karachi .. all of them are wonderful ppl .. PPl who bring more love and joy in the lives of others .. in this world.... and if i think of such a thing happeng today, it makes me shiver .. any of them cld fall a victim to such burning .. even if they don, some of their loved ones might .. something is defintely bound to leave scars in their lives .. and the love and the joy wldn be the same .. Don't wars always leave scars .. are wars something we shld be proud of ?? Even though we won them ?? Is it fair to glorify wars .. or the action taken in the wars .. hmmmm ... Yup , i know its a rhetoric, told in a lot of movies.. but somehow the comments put by ppl on rediff made me really sad ..

fast n furious !!

When I am furious ,wanting nothing other than to hit the person whom I am furios on, nothing soothes me more than to play my fav music and imagine me dancing .. lol .. Yup I love imagine myself dancing .. and no, I don know how to dance .. isn the power of imagination great .. and it acts as a boon for me … When I am furious , ..
Lol .. may music be as magical always :D