Of routines and schedules ....

Some things scare me - like routines and schedules.

Yes , they scae me shit. I overdo things in order to not fall in their grasps. lol. Ok, i'm crazy inside. And a NON-PERFECTIONIST.

There was a time - till very late when my non-perfection used to bother me and i used to try very hard to acheive the closest level of perfection that i could. Perfection in everything - maintaining my closet, taking the notes, spending my day- lol , even conversatiion. Like THIS is the rite kinda talk and THAT is a rite kinna walk. Lol. But now - i get scared shit if i feel that i am coming even anywhere close to being a perfectionist. I llike my house a little dirty and bikhra hua , my closet a bit untidy, my days a bit abnormal , my talks a bit randon, my q-papers & books a bit .. oops sorry , quite a bit scribbled :D .. hmmm , this feels good . A bit of scatteredness and randomness. Doesn it ? I think thats the beauty of life - its unpredictability. earlier i used to make my future plans. Now i don. I like it unplanned :) .. The only catch is what will i answer if my interviewer asks me - Where do u see urself 10 years down the line. Uhhhh, maybe in heaven .... SHIT HEAD.... arggggghhhhhh............... Why is this question even imp ?

i think - this is where my scare of routines and schedules emerge from - from set things. Makes me feel bandha hua. Hmmm - now u better keep that timetable away from me ... and gimme few scraps of paper instead. I wanna make a collage :) .. Yeah , i loooooooooove collages :) ...

And the most suitable lines to sum up this post are -

Katra katra milti hai
katra katra jeene do
zindagi hai .. behne do ...
pyaasi hoon main pyaasi rehne do ...
la la la la lala la la lala laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..............

:D :D

Thy say what ...

Thy shall make u pure they say,
Thy shall make u strong they say,
Thy shall cleanse your heart they say,
Thy shall heal the pain they say,
All I say is “Beautiful“ and fall in love all over again ..
While a drop just slides by and wane ..

Eternal Promise ........

My brother has promised me a KitKat if i write something on him ...
Yeh ek "bhaai" ka waada hai, tootega nahin .... lol ...As any other siblings, we have also fought our way through chidhood ... So here u go.. this post is dediacated to u .. i am listing some of the most memorable fights we have had ..

Lol , well this one is really funny , now that i think of it .. We wanted to watch a movie .. but as boyish an girlish choices are never same at that age ,how cld we settle on the same movie .. after a LOT of arguing we finally settled on "my movie" .. but dear he , he was so cunning .. so, he went out to get the movie , and instead got "his movie", and what do i do .. I locked him in the bathroom :D .. and i refused to let anyone get him out.. And the only thing everyone wanted to know after that, was that how i managed to get him inside .. lol

oh yes, then we always had "MY" share of bed ... and fought tooth n nail if the other one managed to cross it by as much as a finger. But irritating as he was - he wld jaanboojh kar keep his hand just near the "border", and when i wld start complaining, he wld say - nahi touch kiya hai - dekho, dekho ..line wahaan hai, mera haanth yahaan hai .. lol ... pig ...

ummm , and .... oh yeah ... while studying, he wld keep his hand very near to my face - but no, "not touching ".. tum kuch nahi bol sakti.. maine tumhe maara nahi hai .. and like that, he wld irritate me so much ki main uska haanth pakad ke mod deti thi.. lol , well , he had his own ways of starting the fight.. But then he had his own ways of making me laugh also. All, he had to say was "Soni, u are laughing".. and no matter how angry i was , or how hard i would try not to laugh, i always ended up doing that .. Damn, how angry i would be then to give into his stupid "u are laughing" .. :D ...

lol , oh yes , he owes a lot to me , for i have made him survive his adoloscent years .. calling up all his gf's and when the daddy picked "uncle i am "so n so"'s fren .. can u please call her .. and pass over the phone to him :)

And its his b'day today. I started this post sometime last year, and finished it today. :D .. Idiot u should be grateful that i did ... Otherwise u are too boring to be written about ... :) ..

Chal Happy Birthday ... have lots of fun ... Now time for my KitKat .. :D

P.S - U owe me a hell lot of KitKats for the "teesri aankhs" that u gave me .... grrrrrrrrr

And now that i have finished writing , i think that i have left out the most interesting ones .. damn memory.. i don remember the good ones , when u want to .. Remember the time i chased u on the road with a brick in my hand .. lol .. Oh yeah, and once when i crossed everything that u had written in uir lab record, and after realising what i had done - painfully wrote it again . U failed to notice any of it and and submitted ur lab record, and then were scolded by ur mam that u had got them written by someone else .. lol .. i am sure i am still missing lots ..

fanatical date..

ok, i am idealistic .. And so are many other of my friends .. but they don behave fanatically on their dates .. lol .. That too a date with a 7 year old crush .. :D
Yes i met him .. finally.. And guess what, we din have anything to talk about. I mean , first it was all uncomfortable and all, as expected. Yes, i think i was a little nervous. Maybe because i felt somewhere i was being evaluated, and naah...i don like being evaluated. Maybe this is what keeps me from talking in my GD sessions .. lol .. Anyways , coming back to the story.. So, after some hmms, haans, oohs , we started talking. Oops no, I started talking . He was anyways talking .. And then, when i start i don stop .. Gawd ... Something is wrong with my mouth's acceleration rate .. ;)

So, somewhere our discussion reached Shahrukh Khan.. Yes, like most of the sensible guys, he too despised Shahrukh and like most of the girls (sensible -insensible , doesn matter :D) , i looooved Shahrukh Khan. The idealistic is tossing and turning in the bed rite now. Then Salman Khan - and his notorious killings - hmmmm , the ideaistic is wide awake now - and listening , thinking ... Mahatma Gandhi - ... okkkk ... Idealistic is speaking now .. fast .. And i am under her grip rite now .. Narendra Modi and The godhra killngs --rite .. Its my mouth but the idealistic's words... ... A statement - 'Narendra Modi did what was best for the masses.Those 100 who were killed ought to have been killed. That was for the best.' And BAM .. I don know myself anymore - I have become her ...

NOOOOO.. How can u say that ... Lol, imagine me , all red in fury, standing still, with hands on my hips (Oh yeah , we were on the beach by the way- a decently crowded Marina Beach :D) ..
And then the heated heated argument started .. The idealist is in full form now .. booming ... fuming .. mad ... Lots of Hindu - Muslims ... fundamentalism ... things coming in between ... i try to calm down... But his statements keep on adding the fire intermittently - "Muslims are the cause of most of our problems in this country" , "Muslims should become tolerant and open like us - Hindus".. And god knows , i hated him then .. and was angry enuff to slap him ... lol .. And yup , i said him so ...

Well, if it were not for the fact that it was him stating out these thoughts , the incident was almost funny. After all, can a date be any more surprising or unexpected that this ... And well, its not everyday that u get to behave fanatically at a public place , and still feel justified for it .. lol .. Yes, ppl did notice us shouting at each other ... lol ..

anothr unfinshed one ..

This one too i have been putting off since ... ummm , well , quite a time..

But talking to Nishant yesterdy, somehow cleared my head, not the doubts .. but doubts regarding the existence of doubts , lol ..

The person i am in office amazes me. This is not what i am. And i try to think why have i become this person - this boring, depressed, maniac. And i try to think why don i like my office and my work. But the answers i get sound truly superficial - or is it really ? I found the concept of sitting in my cubicle for 10 long hrs - immersed in ur system depressing. I feel i have been cut off from the world - inspite of the fact that i have the world at my finger tips as internet . lol . Aren so many things so contradcitory in life . aah .. :)

And why is Jagjit Singh's voce so heart touching ... It touches ur soul even if u don want it to .... haah .. again this post is left unfinished .. not fulfilling the purpose it was supposed to at the start .. lol .. well , maybe sometime later ..

some not so crappy thoughts .. or maybe not :)

I have been thinking that i need to think .. lol .. yup i do it quite frequently .. Something has been at the back of my mind and i have pushing it .. so i want to think now?? .. lol ... nopes .. lemme just talk about some of the things i thought today ..

hmmm, well, nature has been a lot on my mind these days .. How it is being destroyed , and how we all are taking it for granted .. u know , how inspite of all the developments in the world, the future looks so grim ... hmmm , i had promised myself to post only non-serious posts on this blog .. but nyways ... I alwys breaks the promises i make to myself ... lol ... Yup, so continuing bout it .. Read an article abt it today .. some country in Africa .. where an underground oil pipeline was built which polluted the only source of water in some states , and how it was leading to a lot of health problems and poverty among the masses ... Hmmm , and the irony was that the pipeline was built to bring money and prosperity in the region .. well, the whole thing was pretty sad .. but then to think of it , where is this thing not happenning .. hmmm , well, won go too deep ... Things will look scarier then .. ummm , somehow the whole environment thing has deeply affecte d me .. As in for the first time in my life , i am scared of having children .. not scared that way .. i mean, i am scared of bringing my children in this world , which is slowly turning into a poison .. Maybe i am overreacting or something , but rite now this is the phase i am in ..

ummm, there was something else too which i wanted to say, but i am forgetting .. hmmm.. what was it .. oh yeah ... well , i had written a lot and somehow it got lost .. :(( .. will have to write all over again .. Anyways , just in short it was about the Indian Navy Cheif who made "Karachi burn for 7 days" during the 1960's indo - pak war .. So, well , i jsut got into the war stuff .. u know the kind "Is making a city burn" a thing of pride ?? I mean , i can understand his pride .. maybe his attack was crucial in making India win the war .. But what i can't understand is the way it is being glorified today. Maybe i am a wrong person to judge , beause i was not the one who laid my life for my nation .. maybe i don even have the courage to .. But i have a friend in Karachi .. a person whom i have never met .. through her i have met other ppl in Karachi .. all of them are wonderful ppl .. PPl who bring more love and joy in the lives of others .. in this world.... and if i think of such a thing happeng today, it makes me shiver .. any of them cld fall a victim to such burning .. even if they don, some of their loved ones might .. something is defintely bound to leave scars in their lives .. and the love and the joy wldn be the same .. Don't wars always leave scars .. are wars something we shld be proud of ?? Even though we won them ?? Is it fair to glorify wars .. or the action taken in the wars .. hmmmm ... Yup , i know its a rhetoric, told in a lot of movies.. but somehow the comments put by ppl on rediff made me really sad ..

fast n furious !!

When I am furious ,wanting nothing other than to hit the person whom I am furios on, nothing soothes me more than to play my fav music and imagine me dancing .. lol .. Yup I love imagine myself dancing .. and no, I don know how to dance .. isn the power of imagination great .. and it acts as a boon for me … When I am furious , ..
Lol .. may music be as magical always :D