on a wednesday morning ..

Yeay yeay yeay .. My worldspace radio is finally set up and i am sooooooooooooo happy .. The best thing is that i can listen to the hindi old black n white songs .. it has been sooo long .. first because u don find them easily on the song downloading sites and second because i am a lazy ass :D .. Oh by the way , jazz is good too .. i was listening to it yesterday, and i found it nice , catchy and zingy .. though its "lyricsless" , so i might not get soooo hung on it , the lyrics crazy that i am :D .. Waise jazz made me go to sleep yesterday .. lol .. but i am sure that was because of my tiredness rather than jazz's soporificness .. waise , the sad part is that there are only two hindi channels .. i mean , there is one ghazal and hindustani clasical channel too, but whenever i tuned onto them , they were playing the veeeeeeeerrrrrrryyyy classically types songs .. i hope that they either put the jagjit singh typo gazals or that i get into the classically typo songs ... hmmmm ... well , i am happy anyway .. yeay .. yeay ..

oh by the way, whats up with DOVE .. i mean DOVE is supposed to be creamy smooth ALWAYS .. even if they use minute extrafoliating particles in it .. I mean cummon .. the latest one feels like a hard brick .. as if u are using a pumic stone .. come on guys , thats ur USP. don spoil that ... haah ..

And oh my Gawd , the guy sitting in front of me has all the "my" songs in his playlist .. i mean , all of my songs , even the tarzen one .. gosh .. it makes me feel that he is actually using my ipod.. hmmmppp ... tarzen is handsome, tarzen is strong .. la la la la la lala la la .. i am jane and i love to ride an elephant .. oh my gawd , this song is soooo awesome .. even the "do u have a bestfrind" one...

khair , i have decided one thing now - to consciously be in touch of myself .. and to consciously monitor my behavior .. i have become really close and unliving person now , and i don like it .. a few days back , i realised that i cldn talk to my best friend, i mean , come on thats not me .. i am supposed to be a chatter box, not this closed , unliving , unthinking fellow .. ummm , i don know .. i am in pretty confused state rite now .. i know , i am not a very open person , and its kinna tough for me to talk abt the very "inside me" kinna stuff , but i'm not this person either .. oh , and yeah . technology sometimes is not good .. chatting becomes so easy that talking becomes tough .. :) ... haah ...

chalo, a fruitful random post posted early in the morning today .. :) .. the girl sitting next to me studies a lot yaar .. i mean how can a person study and code always ... though she seems to be sweet .. i need to "consciously" talk to her :D .... oh sooooooooo conscious me .. :P .. and i want to see the NIKE worldcup ad sooooooooooooooooooooo much .. i hope its as good as they say it is .. i miss watching ads on tv . one thing the worldspace can't provide u .. :((((((((

Update:- Ok , the new DOVE is not that bad.. It was the first time which felt so hard :P .. And thanks CD for the link .. i saw it and i loved it :D ..

Words ... sometimes they breathe life into ur thoughts..

A lot of times many of ur thoughts remain at ur subconscious level .. Sometimes they remain in ur conscious level , but in a very subdued way. But they are there none the less , and they are there as strongly as they can. U breathe these thoughts - just the way u breathe air - without thinking. They are the reason why u sometimes behave and feel the way u can't understand. They are the reason why somethings seem so wrong even when ur conscious level think them to be right.

And someday u come across the words - someone somewhere puts those exact thoughts in words - and it hits u like a bolt. And u think, its not her , but u that has written the words.Today is such a day for me. Thanks shayesha. For writing what u did. Kinda make me beleive more in my thoughts :). And yeah, i am of your 'silent reader' category.

Of routines and schedules ....

Some things scare me - like routines and schedules.

Yes , they scae me shit. I overdo things in order to not fall in their grasps. lol. Ok, i'm crazy inside. And a NON-PERFECTIONIST.

There was a time - till very late when my non-perfection used to bother me and i used to try very hard to acheive the closest level of perfection that i could. Perfection in everything - maintaining my closet, taking the notes, spending my day- lol , even conversatiion. Like THIS is the rite kinda talk and THAT is a rite kinna walk. Lol. But now - i get scared shit if i feel that i am coming even anywhere close to being a perfectionist. I llike my house a little dirty and bikhra hua , my closet a bit untidy, my days a bit abnormal , my talks a bit randon, my q-papers & books a bit .. oops sorry , quite a bit scribbled :D .. hmmm , this feels good . A bit of scatteredness and randomness. Doesn it ? I think thats the beauty of life - its unpredictability. earlier i used to make my future plans. Now i don. I like it unplanned :) .. The only catch is what will i answer if my interviewer asks me - Where do u see urself 10 years down the line. Uhhhh, maybe in heaven .... SHIT HEAD.... arggggghhhhhh............... Why is this question even imp ?

i think - this is where my scare of routines and schedules emerge from - from set things. Makes me feel bandha hua. Hmmm - now u better keep that timetable away from me ... and gimme few scraps of paper instead. I wanna make a collage :) .. Yeah , i loooooooooove collages :) ...

And the most suitable lines to sum up this post are -

Katra katra milti hai
katra katra jeene do
zindagi hai .. behne do ...
pyaasi hoon main pyaasi rehne do ...
la la la la lala la la lala laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..............

:D :D

Thy say what ...

Thy shall make u pure they say,
Thy shall make u strong they say,
Thy shall cleanse your heart they say,
Thy shall heal the pain they say,
All I say is “Beautiful“ and fall in love all over again ..
While a drop just slides by and wane ..

Eternal Promise ........

My brother has promised me a KitKat if i write something on him ...
Yeh ek "bhaai" ka waada hai, tootega nahin .... lol ...As any other siblings, we have also fought our way through chidhood ... So here u go.. this post is dediacated to u .. i am listing some of the most memorable fights we have had ..

Lol , well this one is really funny , now that i think of it .. We wanted to watch a movie .. but as boyish an girlish choices are never same at that age ,how cld we settle on the same movie .. after a LOT of arguing we finally settled on "my movie" .. but dear he , he was so cunning .. so, he went out to get the movie , and instead got "his movie", and what do i do .. I locked him in the bathroom :D .. and i refused to let anyone get him out.. And the only thing everyone wanted to know after that, was that how i managed to get him inside .. lol

oh yes, then we always had "MY" share of bed ... and fought tooth n nail if the other one managed to cross it by as much as a finger. But irritating as he was - he wld jaanboojh kar keep his hand just near the "border", and when i wld start complaining, he wld say - nahi touch kiya hai - dekho, dekho ..line wahaan hai, mera haanth yahaan hai .. lol ... pig ...

ummm , and .... oh yeah ... while studying, he wld keep his hand very near to my face - but no, "not touching ".. tum kuch nahi bol sakti.. maine tumhe maara nahi hai .. and like that, he wld irritate me so much ki main uska haanth pakad ke mod deti thi.. lol , well , he had his own ways of starting the fight.. But then he had his own ways of making me laugh also. All, he had to say was "Soni, u are laughing".. and no matter how angry i was , or how hard i would try not to laugh, i always ended up doing that .. Damn, how angry i would be then to give into his stupid "u are laughing" .. :D ...

lol , oh yes , he owes a lot to me , for i have made him survive his adoloscent years .. calling up all his gf's and when the daddy picked "uncle i am "so n so"'s fren .. can u please call her .. and pass over the phone to him :)

And its his b'day today. I started this post sometime last year, and finished it today. :D .. Idiot u should be grateful that i did ... Otherwise u are too boring to be written about ... :) ..

Chal Happy Birthday ... have lots of fun ... Now time for my KitKat .. :D

P.S - U owe me a hell lot of KitKats for the "teesri aankhs" that u gave me .... grrrrrrrrr

And now that i have finished writing , i think that i have left out the most interesting ones .. damn memory.. i don remember the good ones , when u want to .. Remember the time i chased u on the road with a brick in my hand .. lol .. Oh yeah, and once when i crossed everything that u had written in uir lab record, and after realising what i had done - painfully wrote it again . U failed to notice any of it and and submitted ur lab record, and then were scolded by ur mam that u had got them written by someone else .. lol .. i am sure i am still missing lots ..

fanatical date..

ok, i am idealistic .. And so are many other of my friends .. but they don behave fanatically on their dates .. lol .. That too a date with a 7 year old crush .. :D
Yes i met him .. finally.. And guess what, we din have anything to talk about. I mean , first it was all uncomfortable and all, as expected. Yes, i think i was a little nervous. Maybe because i felt somewhere i was being evaluated, and naah...i don like being evaluated. Maybe this is what keeps me from talking in my GD sessions .. lol .. Anyways , coming back to the story.. So, after some hmms, haans, oohs , we started talking. Oops no, I started talking . He was anyways talking .. And then, when i start i don stop .. Gawd ... Something is wrong with my mouth's acceleration rate .. ;)

So, somewhere our discussion reached Shahrukh Khan.. Yes, like most of the sensible guys, he too despised Shahrukh and like most of the girls (sensible -insensible , doesn matter :D) , i looooved Shahrukh Khan. The idealistic is tossing and turning in the bed rite now. Then Salman Khan - and his notorious killings - hmmmm , the ideaistic is wide awake now - and listening , thinking ... Mahatma Gandhi - ... okkkk ... Idealistic is speaking now .. fast .. And i am under her grip rite now .. Narendra Modi and The godhra killngs --rite .. Its my mouth but the idealistic's words... ... A statement - 'Narendra Modi did what was best for the masses.Those 100 who were killed ought to have been killed. That was for the best.' And BAM .. I don know myself anymore - I have become her ...

NOOOOO.. How can u say that ... Lol, imagine me , all red in fury, standing still, with hands on my hips (Oh yeah , we were on the beach by the way- a decently crowded Marina Beach :D) ..
And then the heated heated argument started .. The idealist is in full form now .. booming ... fuming .. mad ... Lots of Hindu - Muslims ... fundamentalism ... things coming in between ... i try to calm down... But his statements keep on adding the fire intermittently - "Muslims are the cause of most of our problems in this country" , "Muslims should become tolerant and open like us - Hindus".. And god knows , i hated him then .. and was angry enuff to slap him ... lol .. And yup , i said him so ...

Well, if it were not for the fact that it was him stating out these thoughts , the incident was almost funny. After all, can a date be any more surprising or unexpected that this ... And well, its not everyday that u get to behave fanatically at a public place , and still feel justified for it .. lol .. Yes, ppl did notice us shouting at each other ... lol ..

anothr unfinshed one ..

This one too i have been putting off since ... ummm , well , quite a time..

But talking to Nishant yesterdy, somehow cleared my head, not the doubts .. but doubts regarding the existence of doubts , lol ..

The person i am in office amazes me. This is not what i am. And i try to think why have i become this person - this boring, depressed, maniac. And i try to think why don i like my office and my work. But the answers i get sound truly superficial - or is it really ? I found the concept of sitting in my cubicle for 10 long hrs - immersed in ur system depressing. I feel i have been cut off from the world - inspite of the fact that i have the world at my finger tips as internet . lol . Aren so many things so contradcitory in life . aah .. :)

And why is Jagjit Singh's voce so heart touching ... It touches ur soul even if u don want it to .... haah .. again this post is left unfinished .. not fulfilling the purpose it was supposed to at the start .. lol .. well , maybe sometime later ..