Damn!! Damn!! Damn !! I was fuming inside.
What the heck. Where the hell was he. I call him again. "I am almost there", he says. 'Yeah, right !! You were supposed to be here forty-five minutes back' - I am angry on myself . Why the hell did I have to ask him to come here. I could have gone to my usual pick up location .He is a moron. Why does he run the cab if he does not know the roads and landmarks of Mumbai.
I am standing on the roadside at the highway, in the burning sun , drowning in my own sweat, cursing myself . The events of the day were adding on to the heat and making me madder. I just managed to "not buy" the TV that we so needed today. First, the shop opened half an hour late , then we were not able to decide on the TV model. And finally, when we decided, there was no discount on that model. And even if we were to order today , we couldn't get it delivered on time. My office cab driver decided that this was the day he wanted to be one hour late, without so much as a word of notice in advance - leaving me stranded on the highway here. I have an important call scheduled for today which I am just on the verge of missing .What the heck ! I want to shout on the driver and the cab agency and virtually everyone around me .I find the anger coming much more frequently to me these days. Why does nothing works the way I want it to? Why does everything has to get screwed up?
My thoughts are interrupted by him. He is standing near me. I try to ignore him. I do not have time for this right now. The driver said he was almost here, and if i try to do anything now, I could just miss the cab. I am sure someone would help him. He doesn't know I am here. Someone passes in front of us. He tries to stop him and ask for help. The man doesn't stop. He waits again .. with me. Few more minutes pass. I say to myself - someone else will come very soon. No one does. Okay, fine. I throw my hands in the air. I go near him and ask if he wanted to cross the road. He says - yes, he needed to go to the mall across the road. I feel a little surprised. I hold his hand. I cannot but notice how fragile he is. We cross the road together. I leave him near the steps of the mall. He says 'thank you'. And proceeds to go to the mall. Clicking his blind stick. I cross the road again and wait for my cab.
I am not able to concentrate on my anger anymore. He keeps interrupting my thoughts.Why was he visiting the mall? What would a mall hold for a blind person? It is a place to do window shopping, to see and buy stuff. What could he do there? And why was he alone? He seemed to be from a middle class family. Sure, someone could be there to accompany him. They would know that he could not reach the mall without help. Maybe it was some emergency for which he had to come alone. Maybe to buy medicines for his mother. I discard this thought. No one comes to a mall for medicines. I search for other alternatives before accepting that perhaps he did come there to have some good time.
Suddenly I am filled with a sense of admiration. He knew that he would have to take a stranger's help for a little entertainment. I try to imagine how it would be to step out of the house for a movie, knowing that you would have to stand in the middle of a road to reach that theater. To wait for someone to pass and ask for help. To wait for 10-15 minutes, maybe half an hour, before someone would be willing to help . And to accept that help graciously. To take the rejections of those who did not help graciously. How much of courage would it take! How much of acceptance would it take! How much of belief in humanity would it take! And how much of love for oneself would it take. I know that had it been me, I would rather reject that small pleasure to myself than depend on others.
Suddenly i feel ashamed. Ashamed that I was unable to take small ruffles of my everyday life, when people like him coped up with the biggest adversities, and still continued to enjoy the small pleasures of life.
That day changed a little inside me.
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