When memories fail ..

Memories .. Memory ... How co-related they are, and yet mean so different. :) .. when memories fail , its physical .. but when memories fail, its ummm .. more of "spiritual" .. or ... "life-ual"..

I have had a bout of this "memories failure" recently.

For the three years spent in this city, my best friend and i have virtually lived together. Spending all the weekends together, talking hours on phone, tracking each and every detail of the each other's life. Fighting like cats n dogs. Someime like grown ups (lol !! ) and now we are going to go our seperate ways . as in we won be living in the same city together. And its going to be different. So, today he was just telling me about his other best friend whom he has been wanting to see very much. And i just suddenly though - Will he miss me like that when we are not together? And for a moment i tried to think of our past, of the memories, and ... i failed .. And i skipped a beat ..

Well, i refound the memories later (lol) .. but it got me thinking .. how we get so busy in doing things , fixing things , mending things , organising things that we forget to look at things and enjoy things .. :) ..

maybe somehow it is good .. Maybe it means that u live in the moment .. and then let go. .. but doesn it also means that the moments were too easy for u to let go .. that they were not imp enuff to hold on .. and i suddenly realised, how i remember much more "small events" of childhood than of the last few years .. Hmmm .. maybe when u get too busy trying to put the big blocks of ur life in correct places, u tend to forget the fun of swinging in the swings .. :) .. or maybe it just depends on how u are solving the puzzle :)..

khair , i guess i have had enuff dose of this kinna "life" stuff .. Now for something fun .. I just realised that the short form of both "best friend" and "boy-friend" is bf .. lol .. so i can't shorten my best friend to call him bf .. coz it wld give a diff meaning u see :) .. and .. ummm , and , well nothing interesting filhaal .. so, thats that ...

p.s: - i had some other things in my mind too .. but then i am too tired of thinking of them to type it here :) .. waise, i found few other fun bloggers .. so, its is fun rite now :)

similarities between Rani Mukerjee and Me ...

haha .. i got a real HIGH as i was starting to write this blog. I told my friend of the subject and he was like"Rani Mukerjeee nooooooo ... . U can compare urself to a much better person". lol... Imagine .. someone ranking me better than Rani Muherjee .. ok, RANI MUKERJEE .. he he .. yeah, yeah, yeah , i know this owes more to his dislike towards Rani than his liking towards me. But what the hell. Chane ke jhaad pe chadhne mein kya jaata hai ..:P

Khair, continuing with the post. The similarities are not the physical smilraities (though we are similar that way too. We are both short, dark and fat .. he he .. Ok, now she is not fat, but she was .. ) .. those are the personal ones.. I saw that episode of Koffee with Karan with rani, kajol and Shahrukh, and I noticed that she was a lot similar to me. So, here u go ..

>> She talks less, is never sure of what to say and what to do .. :P .. is easy to confuse.. soooooo, just like me ( me giving a bow .. he he)

>> She lacks sense of humor ..As in she can't be very witty, like Kajol is ... :((( .. ba ho ho ho .. yeah, just like me .. i wish i was writing a post about my similarities wih Kajol, but .........:((( ...

>>Her mind doesn work very fast. She will never win into a rapid fire question round (and hence the koffee hamper :) ). I also share the same fate :(( .. I can come with amazing (ok not amazing, but atleast decent) answers AFTER the rapid fire, but during , the rapid fire just fires me. Thats why i can never be good on stage ... hmmmppphhh.. khair, ask rani, she wld also give u the same answer. That she doesn like rapidly fired questions .. :P

>> She is conscious of herself. Make it very conscious. I know its unbelievable, considering that she is a movie star. But i still know that she is. I know u don believe me. So, u can go away .. :P And yes, so am i . VERY. :)

>> She gets more conscious with ppl she is not comfortable with. And it gets just soooo evident .. (Yes, i am referring to Kajol). And it makes her silent. I saw her other interviews to get my theory confirmed and she is not like what she is in front of Kajol. She is not very talkative yes, but NOT as silent.In her previous koffee with kareena kapoor, she was all bubbly. And the difference just shows. The answers she gives, the way she responds. It just shows.

>> hmmm , now for a good similarity. She can come up with very stupid logics and get away with it. he he he . As she did in KBC. Chosing salman bcoz salman was lucky for Preity and look, she got away with it too. :D .. Sadly, my bad logics don work very good. But i give bad logics, yes very bad logics. i do.

>> What ?? the similarities has ended .. so fast ... oh no .. and I thought we are SOOOOO similar ..

koi nahin, i'm going to watch more of her interviews and find out more similarities between ourselves.. hmmmppphhh ...

About interesting fingers and bloggers ..

ok, so i am feeling guilty for blogging now. This is my work time and i have got a deadline on Monday and there is a hell lot to do and i should be working .. AND i have resigned .. I shldn be feeing this "I have to do it stuff"But *sigh* .. i am .. khair, i'm going to make it up by missing my lunch time .. (I already know its a lie bcoz my stomach is making gurgles sound by hunger..he he he ) ..

Khair, this blog about bloggers .. lol, i have been continuously meeting the funny bloggers .. and its so cool .. i think of bloggers as "rajkumars of swayamvars" .. U look at them, up and down, and pass f u don like them. Oh, just that its like a swayamvar where u can marry as many men as u like .. :D .. Maybe they should have a done a swayamva for dating too. That would be more apt .. No ?? u choe the potential candidates and keep shuffling ur time between them. Plus u wld be allowed to keep on adding ur list by meeting the friends of ur friends and stuff .. Oh what the hell, "dating" is a "swayamvar of dating".. if u know what i mean (ok, i know u don :P ).. :D .. Except that it comes attached with a lot of morality rules, so u can't be that free abut chosing prospectve ppl .. And ad don go on all the dating talk, i am just "one date experienced" person. lol .. ok, make it two.. (except that the second one was a kina friend only) .. BUT THAT is a significant no in my circle of friends .. And i HAVE TO HAVE TO act "i know lot abt dating stuff" .. as if .. lol ..

Oh yes, and i did meet an interesting guy today. Ok , make it SEE, i din talk to him, just sw him.. u know what, actually i saw just his fingers. We were sitting in the bus, and h ewas next to me, but he never turned my way.. So, i cldn see his face .. Bu i saw his fingers and i tell u .. Those fingers were interesting.. He could bend his fingers in a very interesing way .. Its like u have two bends on his fingers and he cld bend both of them in diff directions.. Generally u can bend them in just one direcion .. either both of thm inwards, or both of them outwards .. bnut u can't bend one inward and other outward .. ok, some of u can , but most of us can't .. and i found this really interesting .. ok, maybe so u don get what i am saying ... But i am telling u, it was interesting.. oh and he had pretty finers too .. nice and bony and long .. I like long fingers .. long and bony .. i like long and bony ppl too .. but if its girls, its shldn be like all bony .. bony and well rounded girls look good (No, i am not INTO girls, but i like looking at ppl generally ...And most of u do .. u just don accept .. huh ).. but guys can be VERY bony and still look good .. Like maybe Kunal Kapoor ..
:D ..

ok, i have to go to lunch now .. :D .. By the way, there IS a connection ebtween fingers and bloggers .. BLOGGERS blog by FINGERS .. lol .. ha ha ha ..Yeah yeah yeh , i know what u want to say :P ..

Some random stuff about my Mumbai Trip ..

I have a feel that i cldn see the real Mumbai, something which i knew was hard to do, but wanted to do all the same .. Maybe its true .. U get to see the real Mumbai only when u live in it .. Something which i'll get a chance to do now. Yes, i am going to go there and live there for the next two years .. And yes, i got thru Narsee Monjee .. I am finally going to do MBA .. Am not very happy abt not going to IIM, but maybe it is time to let go .. and move on :) .. to other things :)
Khair, some snippets abt my Mumbai Trip ..


> Galleria is absolutely wonderful .. Or i think Heera Nandaani as a whole is.. The best thing is the color and architecture of the buildings .. Kina reminds u of the old eras .. Here's one sample .. i was absolutely fixated by the architecture ... and yes , it did result in me being mocked by my friends .. lol .. well, i can't help it .. sometimes, i just get fixated at amazingly common things ..

> Journying on long trips,standing in CROWDED local trains never affects u when u have friends or friends of friends chatting away :) .. The same journey becomes a pain in the ass , when u have to sit/stand seperately ..and u can do nothing but stare at ur friends group standing far away and try to lip read their conversation .. lol

> Sometimes u get to watch good movies in locals too .. lol .. u know what i mean, don u .. :P


> A dark nite in the jungles.. No lights on the 'pagdandi'.. No chaand ka roshni either .. No torches with u .. Uneven roads .. Eerie silence .. Two n a half kilometeres to walk on foot uphill .. I feel dead already :P .. i am saved but .. Saving grace .. Three Lambe, one chauda guy .. lol ..


> U watch ppl working so hard for living in a hill station and feel sorry for them. A day later, u admire their hard work and siple yet happy existence .. :) .. I did .. and its amazing how music creates a bliss everywhere .. Wherever i went, i cld listen to hindi songs on radio, new and old and it was just blissful .. i can't describe the experience .. I felt music made their hard life a lot more musical :)


> Nothing beats a good old neembo paani .. or a glass of chaach in quenching thirst :)


> No matter how much u slap ur back for performing in the gym, when faced in the real world , u always fall short of the required stamina ..lol ..


> I repeat, i could not see the REAL MUMBAI :((



> Marine drive is a great place to sit and chat with ur friends .. And chaupati in Mumbai is better than the beaches in Chennai .. All the lights around make it so much more lively .. And happy :) .. Plus u can pretend to be taking pics of the lights while actually taking any couple's pic - to check out the guy and the girl .. lol .. :P yes , we did this :)


> The best thing in Mumbai - the tel malish waalas .. if i stay there , i guess i wld go to the beaches just to have a good pair maalish .. Its so relaxing .. and did i say cheap :P ..Our maalish waala was fun too :) ..


> Fashion Street is not as good as they say it is .. First the stuff there is not that great .. Secod , after seeing not so geat stuff , u get tempted to buy even just decent stuff , because they are so cheap .. Third, before u know, u wld have spent more than what u intended to :P .. Fourth, u always get dissapointed after returning from there.. sometimes because the clothes are not a correct fit , sometimes because they contain blemishes u din see then .. and sometimes just because u don like them in ur room :P ..
a tip :- never let the shopkeeper know if really want something .. u'll invariably buy it at a much higeher price :) .


> And aah, after travelling in flight the train journeys seem to be 'oh so long' :P .. i am a flight
person now :)

This post will be updated as and when i keep remembering stuff :) ...

360 degress of mood swings ...

I think i have been covering the whole 360 degress of my mood swings today..

9:00 - Pensive , thotful .. Shantaram can give u lots to think about
10:00 - Ecsatic ... Got into a new project which i really liked .. and i am telling u , its a BIG deal .. i am erally bored of coding now
11:00 - Ecstatic still
12:00 - Tired .. and not so scstatic .. feeling of aloofness gets on a bit
1:00 - normal yet still aloof
2:00 - Bored and tired
3:00 - bored again .. tired again .. laziness has crept in too

waiting for the rest of the moods to come and go .. :D

Though i have noticed , that whenever i feel ecstatic , it is followed by a bout of sadness in the same day .. balance eh ??

ok updates now ..

4:30 - Dissapointed :D
6:00 - Sorely depressed
7:00 - confused
8:00 - normal, in need of some self-pampering .. oh and what was the self - pamper ? A GIRLY magazine .. gurlz .. and i spent an exorbant 50 bucks on it .. that was really EXORBANT .. oh , and yeah , a dinner in murugan :D
9:00 - self-pampered and normal .. lol
10:00 - happy .. uploading pics and writing captions is always such a bliss :D
11:00 - tired and sleepy ..

Next day morning - flirted with a cute guy in gym, and still high on its good charm .. lol ..

Oh and yeah, Shantaram is a must read ... for anyone .. I mean , if u really start thinking about what is written there , u would feel like closing the book after every page and ponder over it for some time .. It is such a HIGH ...

this "talk"y post ..

Ok .. this is the one concept that i figured out - and it is sorta ... welll , ummm ... ok .. whoever is reading , u decide :D ..

So , basically it happens that lately i have been worried about my "lack of speaking abilities" .. :D
As in why i was not able to talk to most of my friends , save a few, and ppl in general and all that blah blah .... And i realised that it works like ... ummm , like a viscious cirlce ..

Its that - The more u talk , the more u talk .. :D .. As in, to talk u need to talk .. u talk to one person, then u have the stuff for two .. and this two's stuff u can spill on the third person , and u get richer to four .. ummm , well , taking into account that the other person also has ""two's stuff" .. umm, atleast u'll be richer by one.. So, u see , u get more stuff to talk when u talk .. and still more .. and its like ... it goes on .. maybe like an exponential graph ... U just need to break into the circle .. maybe like abhimanyu ... u know , break the chakravyu .. uhhh , and maybe it works the other way round too .. as in when u get into it , u can't get out .. haah ...

uhhh , and i was caught again .. jeez .. why do i keep my blog so hidden :D ..

khair , i had a good holi .. and the sight of my hand is kinna blinding me .. the pink color in it is still so strong ... and bright .. i love it all the same :D ..

deeply touched..

And i don't know why it touched me so deep .. a blog from a girl whom i have discovered just recently ...


It's all about the past these days.

I think about you.

I think about you as-you-were, not as-you-are, which seem to be two different people.

I think about being met at the airport.I think about a train to Goa, twelve hours late, and I was so sure you wouldn't be there. And my eyes already started to tear, as I looked around in panic for a PCO so I could call you and as I turned, I collided with your chest and you smelt familiar and you wrapped your arms around me and we just stood. And we rocked back and forth for a bit, while co-paasengers watched us, amused. And in the taxi, on the way back, at 3 am, you gave me a pad of stationary, with letters to me written on it.


I think about before we were dating, when we teetered close to dating. When we sat at Flavours, on the lawn, your knees behind my back, my fingers looking like they were running through the grass, but really caressing your ankles, thinking innocently, that no one noticed.


I think about checking my phone during my 2.40 to 3.30 class, and seeing daily smses, saying, "Hanging out at bus stop." And I'd run as soon as we were released, spray quick deodarant on my body, and you'd be at the college gate, waiting with crossword and lit cigarette and you'd take my backpack and my car keys and drive us to your house to eat cheese toast.

I think about how you used to run my back when I coughed, looking at me anxiously, murmuring, "Bas, bas" till I stopped, soothed.I think about how we read together, in your room, with the A/C high. Or at my house, how our legs always tangled on the couch, and how after we fought for the remote, you always let me have it eventually.


I think about going to Dharamsala, and meeting a couple of your friends there and sleeping on the way back to Delhi, with my head on your lap, and how you carefully spread a shawl over my head and carefully rolled a joint, even though the bus was shaky you never spilt.

I think about that first office party you came to, and how you dropped a drunk colleague home, and how you spoke with everyone and made them love you and my heart swelled because I was with you.

I think about you, propped up on one elbow, watching me sleep and when I woke up and asked, "What?" you said you loved me.

And now, how dare I settle for anything less than what you gave me?